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(no subject) [Feb. 26th, 2003|06:01 pm]

I wish I could say words like I can write them. They say it's so beautiful. My writing. They say it flows, it's intense, it's deep, they connect. Why can I not say these things? I cannot say how I feel or what I want or what I think. I don't know what I think. It's a constant stream of thoughts, a steady flowing river. They keep coming and never stop. I cannot identify what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. I feel so alone and so afraid and so sad. I don't know. I cannot say these things out loud. I will not be weak. I cannot be seen as weak. Please. I need help. I don't want to go back in. I can't miss more school, I don't know if I could deal with being there a third time within this short period. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not aware. I'm not aware when I'm holding that blade, turning it over in my hand, not aware that I will separate from myself, and then come back with scarlet. I'm so afraid, so damed lonely and afraid. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I could tell someone. But I can't. Because I'm me. Because I must always be the strong one. The one who knows what she wants. But I don't. I don't know what I want. I'm frightened by who I am, by what I've become and what I've done. I want to erase it but I want more. I want it without the result. I need it. I need someone. I don't know what I need. Strong people don't need other people to lean on. But my strength is a facade, it's a front that I put on to keep others away. I need help. I need so much help tonight. I need a shoulder. I need to cry. But I can't. I can't cry. I need it. I need so much. But no. I will not take it. I can be strong. No, I am weak. I've always been weak. I can't. Not anymore. I'm tired. I can't deal anymore. My physical body is alive, but my soul has been dead for too long. Can you live with a dead soul?
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(no subject) [Feb. 25th, 2003|10:13 pm]

I was looking back at my old journals and found a journal I posted on October 10, 2002. In this post I named all my "alternate" personalities. I look back at it and I realize how much they are all me and how lately I haven't actually been them so much as me if that make any sense. Probably not...anyway...blah
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(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2003|05:51 pm]

I guess this is my new face....

Gay Bear
Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah me I'm a fuckin' care bear...lmao
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God... [Jan. 31st, 2003|12:37 pm]

I'm not sure why I am joining so many communities..
This is so odd, but hmm...
I've never exactly been related to, so I guess this feels good...
I believe this community is really for everyone.
There isnt a person in this world who dont have a facade. Just some people live so many different lives... its so chalanging.... When I get lost... And I dont remember who it is I am trying to be...>_< god this topic depresses me...
So before I end up ranting and raving on my first post, I think I am going to leave it at this.

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I must say... [Jan. 27th, 2003|07:39 pm]

[mood |contentcontent]

This community hits me right on the mark.

I'm bipolar, have anxiety-based schizophrenia disorder, and slightly OCD.

But no one ever guesses it, because I have such a woven facade that it would be the last thing people ever guess of me.

Everyone sees me as a popular, happy, slightly gothic, perfectly normal girl, yet I go home and I tear myself apart by my own inner lies.

I'm glad that I have a community that matches me so well.
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2003|01:33 am]

[mood |dorky]
[music |Nirvana - Dumb]

I'm shy I hate being shy. I think the worse part is being shy and nobody believing that I am shy. Grrrrr

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WELCOME TO MIRROR MIRROR [Jan. 17th, 2003|06:28 pm]

[mood |creative]

Someone brought it to my attention awhile ago that I was not a member of my own community and had yet to post in it. So here is the first post. And welcome to all who may come and share and post here after me.

This is a place for all those people who may be clinically diagnosed with multiple personality disorder or bipolar. It's for all those people who may feel as though they have to be one way for their parents, another for their coworkers, and yet another way for their friends. This is for those people that may feel as though they simply have two lives: reality and internet. It is for those people who may be gay, lesbian, bi, trans or other wise but feel they have to hide it.

This community is a place where I hope you will come and post questions and stories and feelings and be yourself. Most of us use live journal as a sounding board and a way to reach out and be heard. This community lends another avenue for your voice and feelings to shine.

Welcome to Mirror Mirror, drop your frontfacade and just be yourself.

Community Creator: Jay (rollwitme)

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